Hello, I am Chong Weiqiang from The Road of Miracle Network. In this part, I will talk about punishment and forgiveness. I still use the case of the quarrel between the young couple with the extension to illustrate it. The case is as follows:
There is a family of two. The husband and wife are both office workers. One day, the husband infatuated with on the network game. He just played games after coming back home every day. This made his wife very repugnant. Then, a few days later, the wife was unbearable, and then scolded his husband when he played games, “you only know playing games every day, and ignore me. You go to live with the person living in the game if you continue playing! Turn it off now!” When the husband heard this, he immediately got angry and answered,“What’s wrong with me playing games after work? Leave me alone and don’t make trouble”. Then, the wife was angrier, continuing to say: “how long didn’t you accompany me to go shopping in the mall. Now, accompany me to go shopping in the mall. If you still play, I will smash the computer”. Then the husband continued to fight back, “smash it, I don’t go”. At this time, the wife saw attack was invalid, and the said to the husband, “I wash clothes and cook for you everyday. I treat you like god every day. Can’t I let you accompany me to go shopping in the mall?” But the husband continued to fight back to say, “I make money everyday and I am so tired, you can’t see how much hardness I pay for this family? You are still not satisfied”. Finally the wife thoroughly got angry, saying, “ok, just play! I will post everything that you and I argue about in a moment (such as twitter) and show what you are like to your dad, mom, and friends and family”. When the husband heard this, he was also angry, saying, “How dare you! If you dare to send it in a moments, I will not accompany you to go shopping in the mall. If I would accompany you, I would be hit to death by car”. This is the end of story.
What to be illustrated is the last two threatening sentences in the case. First of all, I will define the nature of punishment: punishment is an attack against a crime, so punishment is conviction. Secondly, I will define the form of punishment: when you are going to punish a person, you first think about what he possesses and values (these things also include all the relationships that he has). Then, you will pick out the things that you can control and destroy (those that the other owns and values). Finally, you will think about how you can destroy them, or how you can cut them out of the other’s life. If the other loses these things, he will have a huge sense of deficiency and pain, and then you realize the goal of punishment, which is the fixed form of punishment. In the end, I will define the role of punishment: punishment is a means to force the other to make a compromise or change for you, and it can also be used as a form of intimidation.
The wife in the case just figured out one of her husband’s cherished things according to the above thinking, namely: the self- image of her husband in front of friends and relatives, which is called face by common people. Then the wife came up with a way to ruin her husband’s self-image by posting the quarrel on the internet and letting all relatives and friends see what they quarreled. If all the friends and relatives knew about their quarrel, her husband would go through a situation that his friends and relatives laughed at him. This situation would damage the husband’s self-image and cause him pain and embarrassment. That is the kind of punishment she is going to use. And it was used as a tool of intimidation by his wife.
So what is the ending of punishment and intimidation? With the explanation of case, there are usually two endings:
1. Her husband will give in to her due to fear, but when he does, her husband will hide his hatred in his heart. At this time, the wife begins to worry that her husband will take away and destroy what she has and values.
2. For the scene in the case, when the husband heard his wife’s words of punishment, he immediately knew that he was going to be a laughingstock. He experienced deficiency, fear and victimhood at this time. And those emotions turned into anger and hatred in a flash. Then, the husband took revenge and counter-threat, saying, “How dare you! If you dare to send it in Moments, I will not accompany you to go shopping in the mall. If I accompanied, I would accompany you, I would be hit to death by car”. This revenge’s connotation is that the husband knew the thing that the wife cherished was a husband that can accompany her.
In the world, there are similar scenes. Two more examples will be shown.
1. The child did not do the homework well, and the adult said to the child, “today, if you do not do the homework well, you cannot eat”. The child replied, “ok, I won’t do the homework”.
The adult wanted to punish the child with hunger and wished them to be obedient. But the child used not doing homework to revenge the adult, because the child understood that what the adult valued was an obedient good child.
2. The couple quarreled, and the husband failed in the quarrel, then he walked away from home with anger and had not gone back for several days, waiting for the wife to admit defeat. But the wife did not admit defeat, or look for the husband, but went out for crazy shopping.
The husband punished his wife by running away from home, because he knew that his wife cherished a husband who came home every day. But the wife did not compromise, but used the money to revenge the husband, because she knew that the husband valued the deposit.
The above two cases represent the punishment and revenge that are playing out every day in the world, and these two cases show that punishment and revenge only appear in interpersonal relations. So how to overcome punishment and face revenge (deal with the punishment situation) is a lesson you must learn. I will introduce you to the roles of wife and husband.
First of all, I will bring you to the party who initiated the punishment. If you are the wife in the case, the first step is to wake yourself up during the quarrel and practice the true forgiveness, giving innocence, letting go of needs, fear consignment, overcoming sacrifice and asking for nothing in return described in the previous parts. But this time, you need to be alert to the concept of punishment within yourself while practicing. After you are alert, you should think like this: “punishment is conviction. If I punish my husband, the crime will be kept in my subconsciousness and it will manifest a punished situation for me, so I will not punish my husband”. When you think like this, the concept of punishment within you will disappear, and you will not experience a new situation of punishment in the future. Then one of your troubles is solved.
But what do you do if you post them in Moments without alertness during the quarrel, and then you alert yourself? When this happens, you can withdraw the form of punishment after alerting and practicing these thoughts, which means you can delete the information in your Moments. This action means that you have stopped the punishment.
These are the thought patterns that the one that initiated the punishment needs to practice. In the following, I will take you into the role of being punished and intimidated, but first we should make it clear that this role comes with two premises:
1. This role often fails to respond to a genuine request for help and attacks the other person before he or she is punished. Then, the other person becomes resentful and punishes him.
2. The punished role punished others in the past; that is to say, he used punishment to convict others, and then the sin fermented the guilt and manifested a punished situation for him.As you can see from both of these premises, the situation of being punished is just a manifestation of some previous guilt insubconsciousnes. So, if you are the husband of the case, punishment and intimidation are likely to befall you because of the previous sin even if you practice all the thoughts described in the previous parts. For example, although you practiced true forgiveness and other thoughts during the quarrel and also accompanied your wife to the shopping mall, your subconscious guilt still manifested the following situation: your wife still hated you while shopping in the mall, and she still terrorized you and angrily posted it in Moments. So what did you do? When that happens, you certainly can’t argue with her again and stop her punishing behavior. Because if you attack her again, it can only mean that you take an image of your dream seriously and fall back into conviction mode. So as the one be punished, you just have to learn how to deal with intimidation and punishment.
The thought of dealing with intimidation and punishment is the same as fear consignment. You should think like this: “1. If my wife had posted it in Moments, just let her do it, because I would face and accept any future situation. I am not a body, and I do not need the self-image in the world. 2. It doesn’t matter if I would experience a situation where I am laughed at because it is just a phantom situation manifested by my previous sin in subconsciousness, so I am not a victim”. This is the use of the thoughts in the face of intimidation and punishment, which requires that you let go of everything you value and accept all adversity both mentally and physically, including the loss of self-dignity and various personality adversity. Then, you will not be afraid of the other’s intimidation and will be frank to face the punished situation.
In this case, if your wife ends up in posting in Moments, you can practice true forgiveness in a situation where you are being punished for every taunt. This constant forgiveness will slowly dissolve the previous sin in your subconsciousness. And this constant practice will continue to express for your wife: you are not a body, and cannot be the connotation of a victim. At that time, the peace you have will continuously extend to your wife’s heart, and then the peace will bring your wife this perception: “my husband is really good, and my punishment is invalid to him; he haven’t have the feeling of being a victim; his mind is so peaceful that there is no need to punish him”. At this time, your wife’s hatred of you constantly diminishes. This is the thought and action to be practiced by the punisher.
To sum up, when you face and experience punishment situations, you can continue to use the practice of true forgiveness to face the punished adversity. This practice can dissolve the previous sin in your subconsciousness. To take another example: your wife always hold the grudge about something you did in the past. She will lash out at you whenever she thinks about it and will take a physical punishment for you, that is, asking you to clean the floor every time she feels angry. What do you do when that happens? Certainly, you have to clean the floor again and again, but in the process of cleaning, you should think like this: “my experience of this situation is only an illusory adversity manifested by a previous sin in my subconsciousness, and my physical strength and fatigue do not really exist, so I will be willing to experience the situation”. When you act in this way with forgiveness, your wife’s hatred will continue to diminish, so that the hatred will completely disappear one day, and some previous sin in your subconsciousness and the punishment your wife has made for you will disappear along with the hatred. This is the internal connection between punished situation and true forgiveness.
Finally, some notes for the practice in the face of punishment will be shown:
1. If someone you don’t know initiates punishment to you, you can use the law to deal with it.
2. Punishment in the work is conducted according to the work rules, so in most cases, punishment in the work has nothing to do with subconscious guilt.
3. The person who can punish you is usually a core member of your family, but if your family members want you to hurt your body, you can refuse. For example, if one of your family members wants you to harm yourself or kill yourself, you can refuse because your body is a tool for you to learn the truth and you don’t have to give up easily.
4. You can sue to the law if your family members commit domestic violence against you.
In the end, I will also ask a question for you, which will be put forward when you are the husband in the case, namely: “if my wife posted it in Moments to punish me, although I could forgive everyone’s satirization and criticism, what should I do when people around me blamed my wife? For example, if my parents knew about our quarrel, they would accuse and hate my wife. Then how can I deal with the bad relationship between them?” The answer to this question will be detailed in the next part. Because the way you respond to this situation is also a lesson that you must learn: how do you deal with the love/hate/hate relationship of those around you? This is the end of the part.
Chong Weiqiang
November 2017